"My last therapist wanted me to talk about the worst thing that ever happened to me in our second session."
"I kept saying I was fine, so we just... moved on."
"I don't even know if what I went through counts as trauma."
I hear versions of these a lot when people start working with me. Many of them have tried therapy before. Some of them left feeling worse, or like they'd done therapy wrong.
That's usually where the term "trauma-informed" comes in. You've probably seen it on a lot of therapist profiles, mine included. So what does it actually mean?
What trauma-informed therapy is
Trauma-informed therapy is an approach, not a specific technique. It starts from the understanding that many people carry experiences that shaped how they feel safe, how they connect with others, and how their body reacts to stress, whether or not they'd ever call those experiences trauma.
So instead of asking "what's wrong with you?", the work asks "what happened, and how did you learn to adapt?"
In practice, that means safety, choice, and pace come first. The goal isn't to get through your story as fast as possible. It's to make it safe enough to look at.
It's not only for "big" trauma
A lot of my clients come in thinking that because their basic needs were met growing up, nothing really shaped them. With time, they often notice emotional wounds they never had the chance to stop and notice before: feelings that were minimized, a role they had to play in the family, a home where it wasn't safe to need much.
You don't need a single dramatic event to benefit from a trauma-informed approach. I wrote more about this in You Don't Need "Big T" Trauma to Have Trauma Responses.
What it looks like in session
I meet you where you're at. For me, being trauma-informed usually looks like this:
You set the pace. We don't dig into painful memories before you feel ready, and you're never expected to retell everything to prove it was hard enough.
You have choices. You can say "I don't want to talk about that today," and that's information, not resistance.
We pay attention to your body, too. If your chest tightens or you go numb, we slow down and notice it together. (Here are a few small ways to regulate your nervous system between sessions.)
We look at patterns with curiosity, not blame. My goal isn't to point fingers at your family. It's to understand why your reactions made sense at the time.
Your culture and family context matter. What looks like "overreacting" from the outside often makes a lot of sense once we understand where you come from.
What it isn't
Trauma-informed doesn't mean we avoid hard things forever. It means we approach them in a way your nervous system can handle, so the work actually sticks.
It also isn't a specific treatment like EMDR. Some therapists use trauma-specific methods, and some don't. Trauma-informed describes how the whole therapy is shaped, whatever methods are used.
If you're looking specifically for EMDR or brainspotting, those aren't methods I offer, but I'm happy to connect you with referrals to therapists who do. (Here's why a referral can actually be a good sign.)
How to tell if a therapist is trauma-informed
Almost everyone uses the word, so it helps to ask a few questions in a free consultation:
"What happens if I'm not ready to talk about something?"
"What do you do if I get overwhelmed in session?"
"How do you think about family and culture in your work?"
You're not looking for perfect answers. You're looking for someone who slows down, explains their thinking, and leaves room for you. For more on this, see How to Find the Right Therapist in California.
Online trauma-informed therapy in California
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I see clients by secure video anywhere in California, from the Bay Area and Sacramento to Los Angeles, Orange County, and San Diego.
For some people, starting trauma work from home feels safer than walking into an office. You're in your own space, with your own blanket, your own tea, maybe your own pet nearby.
To learn more about how I work, read about trauma therapy in California, or see what happens in the first few therapy sessions.
You don't have to have the words for what happened to deserve support.
